Who I Am vs Who I Ought to Be

Lately, I’ve been feeling really self-critical. There’s a strong sense of frustration that I’m not quite meeting the standard I desire so deeply — to be as much like Christ as possible. I want to live with His patience, love, and grace, so when I notice myself falling short, I find it hard not to sit with that feeling of disappointment.

It’s difficult because we have no power to change the past, yet the past still influences the present. Yes, I am new in Christ, but how do I truly experience that newness when the parts of me hardened by life and its challenges still feel so loud?

What has been bringing me comfort is the reminder that “for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” (Philippians 2:13).

It’s by God’s grace at work in me, not by my effort. Knowing this takes some pressure off because I don’t have to rely on my own capacity to change myself. I’m learning to be comfortable in this tension: acknowledging my need for the Lord's pruning work, yet resisting the urge to condemn myself for falling short.

It’s a delicate balance and sometimes feels contradictory, but it’s the reality of the Christian journey. Life is an ongoing process of becoming — moving from who life has shaped us into, toward the fullness of who He created.

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:18

Being honest is part of that journey, and it’s something God desires from us. His grace meets us where we are, and gives us the ability to keep moving forward.

I wanted to write about this because I know how lonely it can feel to wrestle with these complicated feelings. If you are in a similar place, I hope you know it’s okay to admit that.

God sees you, and will lovingly work through every part of you if you allow Him.

He is faithful to finish what He began.

With love,

Feyisola